I have always wondered how two people can experience the same event yet be affected differently? Why do we face issues? Have you ever dreamed of a world where problems do not exist? Is there anything to be gained from troubles?
My time working with a unique group of people, 18-21 year olds, has shown me that mental resilience can be taught. Daily I meet young people with big problems, most come after 3-4 months of ruminating on it. The amount of time spent worrying about a problem can negatively impact your mental health, and some go on to develop conditions like anxiety and depression.
Difficult situations can be scary especially when it is something you have never faced before. But if you consider the following I hope you’ll agree that problems can be used to build your mental resilience.
Be solution focused
It would be unrealistic to expect a life without problems, so your approach is everything. Have you ever had a problem you spent time worrying about? Did it feel like it grew bigger?
If you believe there is a solution to your problem and spend more time thinking on what it could be, you’re more likely to find it.
Talk to someone
Troubles are rarely unique, by talking to a friend or a professional specific to your issue, you’ll realise that others before you have gone through similar things. This is important because they can share how they got through it with you. So ask for help, ask for advice, someone knows what you don’t.
Learn from the experience
It’s ok if you panicked the first time, but by the second or third time you’re facing an issue you need to be able to remind yourself of the things you have resolved previously. Apply the knowledge and problem solving skills learnt again and again. Use each situation to develop and improve on those skills.
Avoid unhealthy coping strategies
The things we do to cope that may provide short term relief from the stress of problems but are harmful in the long-term. Ignoring or avoiding the issue until you miss important dates or deadlines, comfort eating, substance misuse and ruminating just to name a few.
The aim is not to become robots who do not feel, and of course individual differences such as culture, environment and past experiences can affect our ability to cope with difficult situations. However mental resilience can be taught, and that’s where problems come in, they are our opportunities to practice the skills that build our mental resilience, until over time you find it easier to adapt and function in difficult situations. Without problems how would we learn to do this?
